The donor-cycle diaries, pt. 7 (dildocam finally put a smile on my face).
Trigger warning: this post contains pregnancy scan imagery.
All of these things are exciting to me. Proof that I actually AM PREGNANT even though I was less than convinced that there was anything inside my belly except gas and, I guess, symptom spotting gave me something to do during the ENDLESS BLOODY WAIT. Seriously, days feel like weeks!
My second 2WW finally ended this week and it was time for my 6 week scan. Off I trotted to Harley Street (ooh, get me!) and, what a coincidence, my scan took place at the same time that Katy Lindemann, Geeta Nargund and Izzy Judd, appeared on BBC Radio 4's Woman's Hour discussing the dreaded 2WW. Katy said that during IVF, "life is a series of two-week-waits" bookended by "dildocam" - the dreaded vag-probe or trans-vaginal scan. And there I was, legs akimbo ready for dildocam once more. A truer, more timely word could not have been spoken Katy.
In my previous pregnancies, dildocam was only deployed to confirm I'd miscarried. Both times, there on the screen was my grey, empty uterus. NOT THIS TIME!!! As soon as that probe entered my body, there it was - a little baby bean! Clearly visible, with a strong heartbeat and high up in the uterus which, according to the sonographer, was a very good place to be, with less risk of miscarriage. I had expected to be one of those people who would sob with joy at the sight - don't get me wrong, my heart was leaping with happiness - but there were no tears, just a relieved sigh and a hug from an equally relieved Husb.
So that was that. Off we went with our discharge papers and a new prescription (I'm continuing Cyclogest, Evorel patches and Lubion jabs until 11 weeks). "What now?" I wondered!
Well, for a start, I'm going to be a little kinder to myself. So far so good. Of course the worrying won't stop - I imagine this is just how it will be from now on - and, I know it's still extremely early days, but it's a great start. I've been referred to my maternity hospital, I expect I'll be going to a booking in appointment in another two weeks. I may also book a scan at 8 weeks too, for peace of mind. So, we all know what that means: ANOTHER TWO WEEK WAIT!
Thanks for sticking with me, until next time.
So, last time we spoke, I was full of doom and gloom - having survived my two-week-wait and achieved a positive pregnancy test... I was convinced that everything was going pear-shaped. I mean, why wouldn't it? That is the only experience of pregnancy I know.
As it turns out, I forgot one critical element. My little 'Clearance Embryo' was from a young, healthy egg (aka, not mine) so maybe I shouldn't expect the worst - even if my self-preservation mechanism insisted on it. After the shock of a positive pregnancy test, I embarked on a second two-week-wait scenario - one where I had to sit tight and wait for my 6 week viability scan.
As it turns out, I forgot one critical element. My little 'Clearance Embryo' was from a young, healthy egg (aka, not mine) so maybe I shouldn't expect the worst - even if my self-preservation mechanism insisted on it. After the shock of a positive pregnancy test, I embarked on a second two-week-wait scenario - one where I had to sit tight and wait for my 6 week viability scan.
There are a few things I observed about this experience:
1. It was almost worse than the original 2WW (if that's possible). If I over-analysed every 'symptom' before... I was over-over analysing everything now! My symptoms during the last two weeks swung like a pendulum between complete nausea and dizziness to feeling pretty normal. My non-sore boobs have been a constant source of wonder. They've definitely started to balloon but they only hurt in the morning when I get up and, I've taken to sleeping with a pillow in between them (I sleep in the fetal position and they haven't taken kindly to lolloping to one side). I've been sneezing a lot too (mainly in the afternoon with a stuffy nose at night) and totally blooming F-R-E-E-Z-I-N-G cold at night.
2. The food thing. The nasty sour taste that started after embryo transfer has continued. Some things taste weird, others the same. I'm loading up on healthy food, stuffing fruit and veg down my neck (unlike me, I'm usually a carb-fiend!) . I'm also eating a LOT of Marmite. A favourite before pregnancy; I wouldn't call it a craving but it's currently my go-to comfort food slathered on a nice bit of toast. I'm learning that eating little and often is the key. Leave it too long and suddenly I get a pang of hunger, like an alien is eating a hole in my stomach from within. And then there's the constant thirst. Except that drinking water makes me feel nauseous. But I can't get enough of the stuff.
2. The food thing. The nasty sour taste that started after embryo transfer has continued. Some things taste weird, others the same. I'm loading up on healthy food, stuffing fruit and veg down my neck (unlike me, I'm usually a carb-fiend!) . I'm also eating a LOT of Marmite. A favourite before pregnancy; I wouldn't call it a craving but it's currently my go-to comfort food slathered on a nice bit of toast. I'm learning that eating little and often is the key. Leave it too long and suddenly I get a pang of hunger, like an alien is eating a hole in my stomach from within. And then there's the constant thirst. Except that drinking water makes me feel nauseous. But I can't get enough of the stuff.
3. Oh, and the TIREDNESS. I remember from my first pregnancy, waking up several times a night to pee. And the CRAZY DREAMS. So far this week I've been playing test cricket at Lord's, ridden a bicycle the wrong way down a motorway, plugged up a leaky roof with buckets that won't stand up and taken part in fashion show in my local supermarket (let's not even try to analyse!). I'm quite enjoying the thrill of waking up to marvel at the craziness that was let loose in my psyche overnight! But, from about 3pm every day, the yawning starts and it's hard to feign interest in anything work-wise, instead I start fantasising about my pyjamas.
All of these things are exciting to me. Proof that I actually AM PREGNANT even though I was less than convinced that there was anything inside my belly except gas and, I guess, symptom spotting gave me something to do during the ENDLESS BLOODY WAIT. Seriously, days feel like weeks!
Also... I have a terrible confession to make: in the past, I've scrolled through forums and rolled my eyes at the many crazy women who burned through pregnancy tests just to make sure the line was still there. Yes... OK, I confess, I did the same - but I am going to forgive myself - because, if you're reading this, you'll already know the anxiety that comes with an early and vulnerable pregnancy. I did a First Response test a couple of days after my original positive. The line appeared immediately. Epic. Two days later, another. Slightly darker (I think). OK, so far so good. A few days after that.... WOW the test line was DARKER than the control line. Have I got a duff one? Are the lines the wrong way around? Der.... what could I do except what any self-respecting pregnancy-test-obsessive would do? Of course, I GOOGLED IT.
Hurray. Apparently, according to the crazy forum people, this is PERFECTLY NORMAL and shows a strong surge of hormones. And, as if that wasn't enough (I was beyond help by this point) I had bought a second Clear Blue Digital which, a week after my first digital test (which showed 1-2 weeks pregnant), now said 3+ weeks. YAY! A dangerous game, but a necessary one. Instinct somewhere deep within had told me that all would be well, but I needed to know. OMG I HAVE BECOME ONE OF THOSE WOMEN!!!!
Hurray. Apparently, according to the crazy forum people, this is PERFECTLY NORMAL and shows a strong surge of hormones. And, as if that wasn't enough (I was beyond help by this point) I had bought a second Clear Blue Digital which, a week after my first digital test (which showed 1-2 weeks pregnant), now said 3+ weeks. YAY! A dangerous game, but a necessary one. Instinct somewhere deep within had told me that all would be well, but I needed to know. OMG I HAVE BECOME ONE OF THOSE WOMEN!!!!
"When you're doing IVF, life is a series of two-week-waits" Katy Lindemann
My second 2WW finally ended this week and it was time for my 6 week scan. Off I trotted to Harley Street (ooh, get me!) and, what a coincidence, my scan took place at the same time that Katy Lindemann, Geeta Nargund and Izzy Judd, appeared on BBC Radio 4's Woman's Hour discussing the dreaded 2WW. Katy said that during IVF, "life is a series of two-week-waits" bookended by "dildocam" - the dreaded vag-probe or trans-vaginal scan. And there I was, legs akimbo ready for dildocam once more. A truer, more timely word could not have been spoken Katy.In my previous pregnancies, dildocam was only deployed to confirm I'd miscarried. Both times, there on the screen was my grey, empty uterus. NOT THIS TIME!!! As soon as that probe entered my body, there it was - a little baby bean! Clearly visible, with a strong heartbeat and high up in the uterus which, according to the sonographer, was a very good place to be, with less risk of miscarriage. I had expected to be one of those people who would sob with joy at the sight - don't get me wrong, my heart was leaping with happiness - but there were no tears, just a relieved sigh and a hug from an equally relieved Husb.
 |
| Baby bean at 6w3d |
So that was that. Off we went with our discharge papers and a new prescription (I'm continuing Cyclogest, Evorel patches and Lubion jabs until 11 weeks). "What now?" I wondered!
Well, for a start, I'm going to be a little kinder to myself. So far so good. Of course the worrying won't stop - I imagine this is just how it will be from now on - and, I know it's still extremely early days, but it's a great start. I've been referred to my maternity hospital, I expect I'll be going to a booking in appointment in another two weeks. I may also book a scan at 8 weeks too, for peace of mind. So, we all know what that means: ANOTHER TWO WEEK WAIT!
Thanks for sticking with me, until next time.
Comments
Post a Comment