The donor-cycle diaries, pt. 11 (when I become a MOTHER!).
Sensitive post: this post contains pregnancy and birth photos.
It's been a while - and I apologise for that; things rapidly became a little hectic, but I'll try to pick up where I left off and, hopefully you'll agree, I had a good excuse!
So, to catch you up... my pregnancy continued fairly smoothly - after the wobble of week 29, I worked hard to manage my worries and, with the help of a very supportive husband, I did my best to enjoy the remaining weeks without obsessing about "the donor thing".
I had been doing some reading about epigenetics - a fascinating topic for anyone considering donor conception. What is it? Well... epigenetics suggests that a donor-conceived child can still inherit characteristics from the birth mother, even if the original DNA is that of a donor. In other words, a donor-egg recipient CAN influence the genetics of her child.
Talking of which, it's been really important to me that my baby knows exactly how he came into the world but also that he knows that it's me who carried him and it was my body that "made" him so to speak. So a lovely friend of mine made this for me - a week by week GIF showing my ever expanding belly (and other expanding body parts!). Baby George, this is you growing inside me!
By the end of my pregnancy, I figured it was a little late to rake up my earlier worries about my decision to try donor conception BUT, suddenly, it was dawning on my that I'd spent so many years focusing on getting pregnant, the end of that phase was nigh and the reality of an ACTUAL BABY would kick in very soon! I anticipated the moment that I first saw our baby. Would we be like strangers? We chose not to find out the baby's gender - which, I admit, I found tough. I felt I needed an extra heads up getting to know Baby in advance - and learning the gender might help with this.
Throughout our pregnancy both Husb and I had been convinced we were having a girl - for no reason other than a strong hunch. So when Baby emerged to the words "It's a boy!" we couldn't have been more surprised! So many people had asked me over the past months - did I have a preference? Of course I always replied that all I wanted was a healthy, happy baby - which, of course, was absolutely true. But, deep within, I secretly yearned for a boy. Largely because I'd always thought of myself as a 'boy mummy' but also because I feared that if I had a girl, I would feel strange that she wasn't truly a 'mini me'. Does that make sense?
When Baby emerged into the world (after 22 hours' labour!) he was the image of his father. Carefully studying his tiny face, my first thoughts weren't of his donor origins - they were the same as any other "normal" mother - overwhelming love, fascination (and exhaustion).
It's true what other donor recipients say: once baby is here the love you feel is complete - and, suddenly, the fears of 'will I love/bond with this baby' were completely forgotten. It was absolute love at first sight: my baby boy, that I birthed, was now suckling on my body, already recognising my smell and my voice as his mummy. Over the days and weeks that followed, this love grew. I won't lie - of course I look at him and wonder where his features come from. He looks just like his daddy but I know he has features and expressions that I don't quite recognise.
Six weeks after his birth I finally had the courage to re-look at photos of our donor. I was frightened of what I might see - would my baby look like her? How would I feel about that? As it turned out, Baby does resemble her - I can see instantly the connection. Honestly, this did make me feel a little sad but I reminded myself that, without her, George wouldn't be in my arms. I wouldn't have been pregnant. Our little family wouldn't exist. After all the years of hurt, all the lost babies, I feel that he is the baby we were meant to have. Destiny has done its job.
I will have a lot more to say about this in the future and, I'm sorry it took so long to post an update, but suffice to say that all is so very well in my world right now - I'm just taking a little time out to get to know this little man and enjoy these precious early weeks of getting to know each other.
As always, thanks for staying with me!
It's been a while - and I apologise for that; things rapidly became a little hectic, but I'll try to pick up where I left off and, hopefully you'll agree, I had a good excuse!
I had been doing some reading about epigenetics - a fascinating topic for anyone considering donor conception. What is it? Well... epigenetics suggests that a donor-conceived child can still inherit characteristics from the birth mother, even if the original DNA is that of a donor. In other words, a donor-egg recipient CAN influence the genetics of her child.
"Not only does the mother in those nine months influence the genes of her child, but the information (the programming) of those genes that happens while that child is in the womb, can then be inherited into the next five generations... So yes, even if you use donor eggs, you still have significant influence on your children’s genes."
Music to the ears of any woman considering donor conception - because one of the key fears is, understandably, that we won't have anything in common with or any influence on the make-up of our child. It was reassuring to know that I still had an important role to play (other than carrying and nurturing the baby in utero!) in the development of my growing bump.Source: Center for Human Reproduction
Talking of which, it's been really important to me that my baby knows exactly how he came into the world but also that he knows that it's me who carried him and it was my body that "made" him so to speak. So a lovely friend of mine made this for me - a week by week GIF showing my ever expanding belly (and other expanding body parts!). Baby George, this is you growing inside me!
 |
| Baby; nine months in the making! GIF courtesy of Robert Wallis |
By the end of my pregnancy, I figured it was a little late to rake up my earlier worries about my decision to try donor conception BUT, suddenly, it was dawning on my that I'd spent so many years focusing on getting pregnant, the end of that phase was nigh and the reality of an ACTUAL BABY would kick in very soon! I anticipated the moment that I first saw our baby. Would we be like strangers? We chose not to find out the baby's gender - which, I admit, I found tough. I felt I needed an extra heads up getting to know Baby in advance - and learning the gender might help with this.
Throughout our pregnancy both Husb and I had been convinced we were having a girl - for no reason other than a strong hunch. So when Baby emerged to the words "It's a boy!" we couldn't have been more surprised! So many people had asked me over the past months - did I have a preference? Of course I always replied that all I wanted was a healthy, happy baby - which, of course, was absolutely true. But, deep within, I secretly yearned for a boy. Largely because I'd always thought of myself as a 'boy mummy' but also because I feared that if I had a girl, I would feel strange that she wasn't truly a 'mini me'. Does that make sense?
When Baby emerged into the world (after 22 hours' labour!) he was the image of his father. Carefully studying his tiny face, my first thoughts weren't of his donor origins - they were the same as any other "normal" mother - overwhelming love, fascination (and exhaustion).
 |
| Dreams really do come true :-) |
It's true what other donor recipients say: once baby is here the love you feel is complete - and, suddenly, the fears of 'will I love/bond with this baby' were completely forgotten. It was absolute love at first sight: my baby boy, that I birthed, was now suckling on my body, already recognising my smell and my voice as his mummy. Over the days and weeks that followed, this love grew. I won't lie - of course I look at him and wonder where his features come from. He looks just like his daddy but I know he has features and expressions that I don't quite recognise.
I will have a lot more to say about this in the future and, I'm sorry it took so long to post an update, but suffice to say that all is so very well in my world right now - I'm just taking a little time out to get to know this little man and enjoy these precious early weeks of getting to know each other.
As always, thanks for staying with me!
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